Anyway, it won't be long between now and transfer and that makes me happy. So here is a cute picture of Brooke :)
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Contract signed
Contract has been signed on our end. FedEx'd out to A&R on 8/19. August has really gotten away from me! I am so super excited to be headed down this road again though. We can set up our screening visit any time after the clinic gets our signed contracts. Then we can coordinate and begin to cycle for our October transfer!!!!! I am truly nervous about my uterus but am trying so super hard to leave it in God's hands. He has the plan and whatever is meant to be will be. I do wonder though if the desire to be pregnant will ever go away, will I ever hit the point where I feel done? What if it is just something I will have to think about forever? I guess there will be a point where the decision needs to be made that I will never be pregnant again, but I am not ready for that yet and pray that I can do this once or twice more!
Anyway, it won't be long between now and transfer and that makes me happy. So here is a cute picture of Brooke :)
Anyway, it won't be long between now and transfer and that makes me happy. So here is a cute picture of Brooke :)
Monday, August 5, 2013
Brooke will be 6 months on Friday
I can not believe she will be 6 months already!! Where does the time go?! I'm sad and excited. Its bittersweet to watch your children grow; to see the confirmation of passing time in their small faces. It is funny how as they grow you have to learn to let them go little by little. As they earn your trust and confidence that you raised them right, and they will make the right decision. And how mad you can be at them when they don't make the right choices.
anyway....
So we are about to sign the contract for me to start down the GS journey again. I so hope this time works out. I really want to be pregnant for these wonderful fellas. The contract has gone back and forth a bit and I think we are all on the same page now. They want to transfer in October and they really really want twins. I know I am not suppose to want twins, as it is more dangerous and difficult for both me and the babies but it is an experience that I would be excited to participate in. At least once, probably just once :) So I hope to post more once things get going. I have to fly out to CT for the screening appt hopefully this month. Its a different clinic and RE from last time. I am so excited. I just want to be pregnant again. Its so odd and I can't really explain it.
I have always known that there are people who can not ever be a surrogate. That these people can not separate a baby inside them from their own babies. And that there are people who know they could be a surrogate without ever having been one before. I am also learning that the people who could not do this also have the hardest time understanding my doing this. My mother in law is totally on my side and "gets" it, my own mother does not. My mom is a good mom and will support me but not without sarcasm and I'm sure I will get a lecture, or at the very least a sigh and head shake. My little sister, who has never given birth, will tell me some version of "don't you remember how miserable you were. you said you were never going to be pregnant again. you complained the whole time" and i guess to someone who has never carried a baby to term she would not understand how you can be miserable and so happy at the same time. I know I will complain with the surrogacy too. I will hate parts of it, but I also know that once its over I will feel the same about pregnancy as I do right now. Which is that I miss it, that I can't wait to do it again, that I love that baby bump, that it is truly a miracle, and that I do not want to raise another baby of my own. At some point I will need to tell the whole family that I am a surrogate. It really is just part of who I am, and I am not going to deny it just to conform to society or whatever. If people can not see the amazing-ness of it all then they are missing out, not me. I am, honestly, nervous that history will repeat itself in my uterine lining. And I am thinking about looking at TS if it should. But that is something I will need to think even longer about. That is a very different thing. That I think I could do as well, but the potential repercussions are larger I guess. For now I am just having faith that whatever is meant to be, will be.
anyway....
So we are about to sign the contract for me to start down the GS journey again. I so hope this time works out. I really want to be pregnant for these wonderful fellas. The contract has gone back and forth a bit and I think we are all on the same page now. They want to transfer in October and they really really want twins. I know I am not suppose to want twins, as it is more dangerous and difficult for both me and the babies but it is an experience that I would be excited to participate in. At least once, probably just once :) So I hope to post more once things get going. I have to fly out to CT for the screening appt hopefully this month. Its a different clinic and RE from last time. I am so excited. I just want to be pregnant again. Its so odd and I can't really explain it.
I have always known that there are people who can not ever be a surrogate. That these people can not separate a baby inside them from their own babies. And that there are people who know they could be a surrogate without ever having been one before. I am also learning that the people who could not do this also have the hardest time understanding my doing this. My mother in law is totally on my side and "gets" it, my own mother does not. My mom is a good mom and will support me but not without sarcasm and I'm sure I will get a lecture, or at the very least a sigh and head shake. My little sister, who has never given birth, will tell me some version of "don't you remember how miserable you were. you said you were never going to be pregnant again. you complained the whole time" and i guess to someone who has never carried a baby to term she would not understand how you can be miserable and so happy at the same time. I know I will complain with the surrogacy too. I will hate parts of it, but I also know that once its over I will feel the same about pregnancy as I do right now. Which is that I miss it, that I can't wait to do it again, that I love that baby bump, that it is truly a miracle, and that I do not want to raise another baby of my own. At some point I will need to tell the whole family that I am a surrogate. It really is just part of who I am, and I am not going to deny it just to conform to society or whatever. If people can not see the amazing-ness of it all then they are missing out, not me. I am, honestly, nervous that history will repeat itself in my uterine lining. And I am thinking about looking at TS if it should. But that is something I will need to think even longer about. That is a very different thing. That I think I could do as well, but the potential repercussions are larger I guess. For now I am just having faith that whatever is meant to be, will be.
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