So my last post was 9/2014!!! Holy cow has so much changed. Its been almost 3 years.
First, when I last updated we started to sleep train my then 19 month old. We had slight success. It took a couple nights of endless tears but Brooke learned to fall asleep on her own, in her own bed. We had a several months long streak of this. Then somehow she ended up back in our bed. So after months of sleeping in my bed, we would sleep train again. This process repeated probably 3 times. However, I am happy to report that at 4 years and 3 months old, Brooke sleeps through the night in her own bed now. Prior to this, we had a pretty happy medium where she would fall asleep on her own, in her own bed, and come into our bed in the middle of the night every night. There was probably a year to 18 months of that. I really put my foot down once my third baby was born! I have a son, Mason, who is 8 months old now. He sleeps in his crib for the most part. Some nights he wakes up and ends up in our bed. He still takes one bottle almost every night at some point. Some nights he just stares at me with wide eyes at 2 am, and I bring him in my bed so I can sleep while he stares at me :) Some nights we have 2 children and 2 adults in my bed! But ya know what, everyone is happy and growing strong and healthy. I have to make it work somehow, I have to manage 3 kids and 3 dogs and a full time job outside the home too. We moved into a bigger house as well. That was a stressful time! We closed on our house on 12/22, yes 3 days before christmas! Then I found out we were pregnant on 1/8. So it was a really busy time. I don't think I unpacked the last boxes until, wait actually, I might still have a couple that I need to unpack! Also in the last 3 years, Josh has lost both his parents and his last grandparent. Somehow this crazy world keeps on turning.
Anywho, I dug up this dusty old blog to research something I had written about. I might just be posting updates again here soon!
Monday, May 15, 2017
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
Sleep Training Toddler
So this post is going to be solely about Sleep Training Brooke. I'm surprised by the lack of confidence I have received from people about sleep training her. They act like I must be stupid for not knowing how to figure this out. but whatever, that's not the point of this post.
Anyway, I finally hit the point where I just don't know what the hell I am doing or how I am going to get out of this mess. Brooke has become very clingy lately and I think it must have to do with my regression on her sleep habits. I have become so tired of her sleep routine, which consists of me laying with her up to an hour until she falls asleep, stealthily sneak from her bed only to have her wake up screaming 2 hours later after which I give up and pull her into our bed for the rest of the night. So the last couple weeks I just go to bed at 9 with her in our bed. Neither of us sleep well like this, but its just easier. Our current daily routine looks like this:
630 am - I sneak out of my own bed into the shower
7 ish am - Brooke comes to find me, crying, sometimes accompanied by Zoe
830 ish am - Drop Brooke off to Nana
1030 am - Nap time, in Nana's bed
1130 am - awake but sometimes she sleeps longer
2 pm - there used to be a nap in the afternoon but Brooke was fighting this, so it left
6pm - Brooke and Josh are home
730pm - Bed time routine of..... um not much really, just change into jammies and play in her bedroom for a little
8 pm - Laying in bed with Brooke
845-9pm - Brooke finally falls asleep, although if I am being 100% honest, sometimes we don't even get into bed until 9pm.
Even though she is usually a very happy baby, she is always very fussy between 6 and 8, but there is so much that I have to do in these hours, that I just allow it. I am very well aware that her sleep problems are my fault. So finally, at the end of my rope I turned to google for any answers it could give me. What I found was that there is such a thing as a pediatric sleep consultant. It took me all of 15 minutes to decide this was my answer. I just had my consultation via phone call with this place here. She set up a whole plan, completely changing Brooke's schedule. I think this is where most of the push back from other people comes from.... "you can't just change the baby's schedule like that, its too hard for everyone." Well what we have is too hard for everyone already, so I'm all in.
We plan to start the sleep training on Friday Sept 12, as this will work best for everyone AND its Zoe's weekend to be with her father, even better. I have high hopes for this, and I know it will work. We spent time discussing Brooke's tendency to throw up when she has crying fits, and that is my biggest concern and the reason I never did CIO. We have an alternate plan for this situation. I think just the fact that I have a plan, and a back up plan, I will go into this more confident than I've felt in the past. The plan also moves her bedtime up to 7pm and sets time limits on things like bath time. I am really nervous but excited about it too. There are a couple things I need to change in her sleeping environment too, that I think will also help.
I'm just so excited about the possibility of sleep, of Brooke falling asleep like a person, of Brooke sleeping through the night. :D I know this will work, because I have the support of Josh, my mom and our sleep consultant to make it happen! I guess I didn't even realize until I typed that last sentence that my 19 month old is still not technically sleeping through the night. 19 months of my life and I didn't even know it. Which, truthfully, means the last night where I had solid sleep was in May of 2012 before I even got pregnant. Unless you count that one night, after my trip to labor and delivery that resulted in no baby but an amazing dose of Ambien. The flowers were so pretty...
Anyway, I finally hit the point where I just don't know what the hell I am doing or how I am going to get out of this mess. Brooke has become very clingy lately and I think it must have to do with my regression on her sleep habits. I have become so tired of her sleep routine, which consists of me laying with her up to an hour until she falls asleep, stealthily sneak from her bed only to have her wake up screaming 2 hours later after which I give up and pull her into our bed for the rest of the night. So the last couple weeks I just go to bed at 9 with her in our bed. Neither of us sleep well like this, but its just easier. Our current daily routine looks like this:
630 am - I sneak out of my own bed into the shower
7 ish am - Brooke comes to find me, crying, sometimes accompanied by Zoe
830 ish am - Drop Brooke off to Nana
1030 am - Nap time, in Nana's bed
1130 am - awake but sometimes she sleeps longer
2 pm - there used to be a nap in the afternoon but Brooke was fighting this, so it left
6pm - Brooke and Josh are home
730pm - Bed time routine of..... um not much really, just change into jammies and play in her bedroom for a little
8 pm - Laying in bed with Brooke
845-9pm - Brooke finally falls asleep, although if I am being 100% honest, sometimes we don't even get into bed until 9pm.
Even though she is usually a very happy baby, she is always very fussy between 6 and 8, but there is so much that I have to do in these hours, that I just allow it. I am very well aware that her sleep problems are my fault. So finally, at the end of my rope I turned to google for any answers it could give me. What I found was that there is such a thing as a pediatric sleep consultant. It took me all of 15 minutes to decide this was my answer. I just had my consultation via phone call with this place here. She set up a whole plan, completely changing Brooke's schedule. I think this is where most of the push back from other people comes from.... "you can't just change the baby's schedule like that, its too hard for everyone." Well what we have is too hard for everyone already, so I'm all in.
We plan to start the sleep training on Friday Sept 12, as this will work best for everyone AND its Zoe's weekend to be with her father, even better. I have high hopes for this, and I know it will work. We spent time discussing Brooke's tendency to throw up when she has crying fits, and that is my biggest concern and the reason I never did CIO. We have an alternate plan for this situation. I think just the fact that I have a plan, and a back up plan, I will go into this more confident than I've felt in the past. The plan also moves her bedtime up to 7pm and sets time limits on things like bath time. I am really nervous but excited about it too. There are a couple things I need to change in her sleeping environment too, that I think will also help.
I'm just so excited about the possibility of sleep, of Brooke falling asleep like a person, of Brooke sleeping through the night. :D I know this will work, because I have the support of Josh, my mom and our sleep consultant to make it happen! I guess I didn't even realize until I typed that last sentence that my 19 month old is still not technically sleeping through the night. 19 months of my life and I didn't even know it. Which, truthfully, means the last night where I had solid sleep was in May of 2012 before I even got pregnant. Unless you count that one night, after my trip to labor and delivery that resulted in no baby but an amazing dose of Ambien. The flowers were so pretty...
Friday, September 5, 2014
I should have thought of a title before I clicked the button
So TS update. We skipped August as it just didn't feel right to J and I guess he was right since I didn't ovulate until cd 38, pretty much a whole 10 days late. So it seems that it has been confirmed that taking a week off work and my normal schedule during the follicular phase of my cycle will delay things 10 days or more. Noted.
No new updates there, they got me the CBE monitor and my cycles really are too long to use it I think. But I'm trying to make it work.
I can't believe its September, where did this year go? Brooke is 18 months and the absolute love of my life currently. Zoe has also entered this really awesome phase where, if she is not sass mouthing me, she is a really fun and interesting person. Full of thoughts and ideas and experiments. Developing a serious fashion sense and finally the desire to look appealing to those that have to look at her. Friends are still a weird thing for her, and I think I get that, as I always felt like a loner no matter how many people were around. I never thought Zoe got my introvert gene, but perhaps she did afterall. Now if I can only find a way to make her ok with that.
I'm not sure that I have any other pertinent topics to discuss. Work is busy. And they certainly don't pay me to blog...
My own health is kind of becoming a concern....which is a topic for another post. I really wish I had cute pictures of the girls to share.... Just one recent one of Brooke
No new updates there, they got me the CBE monitor and my cycles really are too long to use it I think. But I'm trying to make it work.
I can't believe its September, where did this year go? Brooke is 18 months and the absolute love of my life currently. Zoe has also entered this really awesome phase where, if she is not sass mouthing me, she is a really fun and interesting person. Full of thoughts and ideas and experiments. Developing a serious fashion sense and finally the desire to look appealing to those that have to look at her. Friends are still a weird thing for her, and I think I get that, as I always felt like a loner no matter how many people were around. I never thought Zoe got my introvert gene, but perhaps she did afterall. Now if I can only find a way to make her ok with that.
I'm not sure that I have any other pertinent topics to discuss. Work is busy. And they certainly don't pay me to blog...
My own health is kind of becoming a concern....which is a topic for another post. I really wish I had cute pictures of the girls to share.... Just one recent one of Brooke
Friday, August 1, 2014
First cycle TTC as a TS. June. BFN
So as my title suggests, our first attempt TTC as a TS was in June, but I am just getting around to writing about it now.
We finished up the contract just a day or two before we actually insemed, so we cut it really close. We actually got 4 insems in over a Friday through Monday stay by R and J. We were all so sure it worked, but then I ovulated two days later than I thought I would. And it was a BFN cycle.
So my surro track record is as follows
11/2011 - cancel
12/2011 - cancel
11/2013 - chemical
1/2014 - cancel
6/2014 - BFN
Now we should have another insem in two weeks, however IFs want to not try this month. They are feeling so negative about the BFN they want to run more tests on J and explore all options for tracking my cycle, and any supplements that might help us. Which puts the next insems the latter part of September. Surrogacy is such a long long road for me. I really am seriously wondering if this is simply just not what is meant for me. It really is possible, that all these cycles have not worked out for a reason. So I am not really too sad about the BFN. I am just going with the flow. Whatever is meant to be, will be. They got me the CBE monitor that we are trying this cycle. Not sure what this will tell us that OPKs did not, but we will see. IFs are hoping it gives us a couple more days notice of my ovulation.
That about sums it up.
We finished up the contract just a day or two before we actually insemed, so we cut it really close. We actually got 4 insems in over a Friday through Monday stay by R and J. We were all so sure it worked, but then I ovulated two days later than I thought I would. And it was a BFN cycle.
So my surro track record is as follows
11/2011 - cancel
12/2011 - cancel
11/2013 - chemical
1/2014 - cancel
6/2014 - BFN
Now we should have another insem in two weeks, however IFs want to not try this month. They are feeling so negative about the BFN they want to run more tests on J and explore all options for tracking my cycle, and any supplements that might help us. Which puts the next insems the latter part of September. Surrogacy is such a long long road for me. I really am seriously wondering if this is simply just not what is meant for me. It really is possible, that all these cycles have not worked out for a reason. So I am not really too sad about the BFN. I am just going with the flow. Whatever is meant to be, will be. They got me the CBE monitor that we are trying this cycle. Not sure what this will tell us that OPKs did not, but we will see. IFs are hoping it gives us a couple more days notice of my ovulation.
That about sums it up.
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Surrogacy contract RANT
I think I may literally be the worst blogger ever. I wish I could channel my wit and sarcasm into hilarious posts about anything. But it seems those moments when I shine are in real life and not here. So sorry you miss out on them. Apologies for all the hostility about to ensue....
So we are in the throes of surrogacy contract lawyer BS. I hate hate HATE this part of the process. Every lawyer needs to out lawyer the first lawyer and prove how big his proverbial penis is. Ok maybe its not that dramatic but seriously, do not talk to me like I am stupid. Assume I can and have read and already googled anything necessary to understand this stupid piece of unenforceable malarkey. AND that I have formulated my opinions and wishes based on actual shit and not just the way the wind blew that day. Its incredible how the IFs and I could be on the same page until two dumbass attorneys read that page and interpret it totally differently from what we've already agreed to, and from each other. Why does it have to be soooooo complicated. Why does it take 30 pages of run on sentences to accomplish this??! We are 9 days away from insems. 9. And my lawyer is taking the rest of the month off after tomorrow. We still do not have this thing ironed out.
I have ZERO desire to take potential baby anywhere with me after its birth. R&J are it's parents. End of story. In all seriousness, I really want help make their family and to suffer for the next 9 months and hope to grow a giant baby belly but that is neither here nor there at this point.
On another note, I have been wondering if I should somehow document this process and pregnancy for potential baby to have one day. It seems more than likely that at some point potential baby will have a grasp of basically how babies are made, and will come to the realization that a woman needed to be involved at some point here. Hopefully potential baby will be happy with all the effort and hard work that went into their creation. I suppose a scrapbook would be good. Maybe 2. One for R&J when they need to have that conversation. And one for me to keep in case I ever get to have that conversation.
Guess we need to iron out this contract.....
So we are in the throes of surrogacy contract lawyer BS. I hate hate HATE this part of the process. Every lawyer needs to out lawyer the first lawyer and prove how big his proverbial penis is. Ok maybe its not that dramatic but seriously, do not talk to me like I am stupid. Assume I can and have read and already googled anything necessary to understand this stupid piece of unenforceable malarkey. AND that I have formulated my opinions and wishes based on actual shit and not just the way the wind blew that day. Its incredible how the IFs and I could be on the same page until two dumbass attorneys read that page and interpret it totally differently from what we've already agreed to, and from each other. Why does it have to be soooooo complicated. Why does it take 30 pages of run on sentences to accomplish this??! We are 9 days away from insems. 9. And my lawyer is taking the rest of the month off after tomorrow. We still do not have this thing ironed out.
I have ZERO desire to take potential baby anywhere with me after its birth. R&J are it's parents. End of story. In all seriousness, I really want help make their family and to suffer for the next 9 months and hope to grow a giant baby belly but that is neither here nor there at this point.
On another note, I have been wondering if I should somehow document this process and pregnancy for potential baby to have one day. It seems more than likely that at some point potential baby will have a grasp of basically how babies are made, and will come to the realization that a woman needed to be involved at some point here. Hopefully potential baby will be happy with all the effort and hard work that went into their creation. I suppose a scrapbook would be good. Maybe 2. One for R&J when they need to have that conversation. And one for me to keep in case I ever get to have that conversation.
Guess we need to iron out this contract.....
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
Actual Surro Update
So I suppose its about time for an update on the TS front. I am making a lot of really good future plans with my best co-worker A! I am still so so excited to be her TS and all the plans we have made surrounding what that looks like. That is however still a year+ away. Partly because.... We are finally wrapping up the contract with R&J. As a TS I feel that I want to be more involved with the guys and better friends with them. I want to be able to keep a small layer of contact with them after birth for many years to come. If I was more of a "people person" I would want to meet their family and friends and become intertwined forever with them. But the majority of my personality just loves to be a loner and finds crowds/people/groups exhausting/intimidating. So I think I have the perfect relationship with the guys and can not wait for this!
Anyway, the good ol' witch AF should arrive Thursday 6/5. That is the beginning of the cycle where we will (fingers crossed, toes crossed) hopefully get pregnant! We should insem 6/27-6/30. Not sure of travel arrangements yet so those days might move +/- one day. We have the contract to IFs lawyer right now putting the finishing touches on that. Then my lawyer has to review. Whom, btw, I almost hate. But he is the only lawyer, other than IFs lawyer, who we could find to work with a TS situation. He is cocky and arrogant and stuck up and yucky! But whatever, all he has to do is advise me of what I do not know. IFs and I have worked out most of the details on our own already. Any comp that may or may not be involved, time off work, insurance, medical bills, etc, etc.
3 weeks and 3 days till go time! I remember being miserable while pregnant with Brooke. I remember saying never, ever, ever again. But like 2 weeks after she was born and continuing through the present time, is an undeniable scream to be pregnant again, to be a surrogate, to make families. I know there will be moments when I will ask myself "Why???" when the nausea, indigestion, swelling, contractions, become too much. I will doubt myself. But in the end, I will 100% know why I chose this.
Anyway, the good ol' witch AF should arrive Thursday 6/5. That is the beginning of the cycle where we will (fingers crossed, toes crossed) hopefully get pregnant! We should insem 6/27-6/30. Not sure of travel arrangements yet so those days might move +/- one day. We have the contract to IFs lawyer right now putting the finishing touches on that. Then my lawyer has to review. Whom, btw, I almost hate. But he is the only lawyer, other than IFs lawyer, who we could find to work with a TS situation. He is cocky and arrogant and stuck up and yucky! But whatever, all he has to do is advise me of what I do not know. IFs and I have worked out most of the details on our own already. Any comp that may or may not be involved, time off work, insurance, medical bills, etc, etc.
3 weeks and 3 days till go time! I remember being miserable while pregnant with Brooke. I remember saying never, ever, ever again. But like 2 weeks after she was born and continuing through the present time, is an undeniable scream to be pregnant again, to be a surrogate, to make families. I know there will be moments when I will ask myself "Why???" when the nausea, indigestion, swelling, contractions, become too much. I will doubt myself. But in the end, I will 100% know why I chose this.
I am a quitter: I cut my hair
So even though I said I would not cut my hair until I reached my surrogacy goal. I just couldn't face the person in the mirror any longer. I cut my hair. And I LOVE it :) Oh and added some highlights. I also can not promise that this is as short as it will get. I might go back in a few weeks and go for that pixie!
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| 5/31/2014 |
Monday, April 14, 2014
In Typical Liz Fashion
So its been about a month since I've last updated. I was excited that I ovulated on cd 27 last cycle. Well that day has come and gone for this cycle, Day 34 (which I thought was my late late possible day) has come and gone. It's day 44. With possible O on cd 42. Positive OPK on cd 40 and 41. Of course this happened to me. At what point do I say that I am just not meant to be? One cycle where I O possibly the earliest in my life and the next cycle the latest. It could just be a fluke cycle due to my vacation the week before O was suppose to happen, delaying ovulation. But we also thought that maybe my thin lining was a fluke. Turns out that was a pattern. An expensive pattern for my former IPs. I just want to be a surrogate, but maybe it really is not in the cards for me. It sure seems like everything goes wonky during potential surro cycles, seemingly just to prevent them from success. So either it is not the right time yet, that these things are a delay, to wait for whatever is meant to be, or this is simply not meant to be and not going to happen. Its a reality I need to face. I really am tired of all the "other" things associated with surrogacy. The screenings, the paperwork, the contracts. Its very exhausting to me. Only time will tell, but at least its really only one more cycle that I need to track in order to figure it out. I have looked into two herbs that might be more helpful than the ones I was taking. These are specific to ovulation. If it works, I will write about what I took. But I'm not going to start anything until the witch arrives; which hopefully is in 12 days. I guess the thing I am most worried about is that I want to be pregnant so bad. Not really have any more babies, I think a 3rd would be tough. We are so busy as it is, so full. But what if this overwhelming desire does not fade?! I will have to do something to make this no longer a possibility. Maybe then I will be able to slowly stop thinking about it. If only things were different....if my body was different. If it would behave. I need to gain weight. I tried, but still lost weight. Protein shakes give me tummy and intestine problems. Perhaps just vitamins? It doesn't seem to matter if I eat well or eat junk. I just feel betrayed by my own body, something I should have control over. If ovulation is not regular I will cut my hair for my birthday in June and give up on the grow-it-until-I-have-a-surrogate-delivery plan. Boo. I feel emotional. Thats all for now.
Monday, March 10, 2014
On our way...
Well it has been awhile since I have posted anything here. Not much going on. Brooke had a great first birthday. She learned to walk on her own a few weeks before that. She is learning so much! She follows a lot of commands, but still doesn't have any words. She has her own version of the word "that" and everything is "that" and she barks at the dogs, or with the dogs! :) Zoe is back in gymnastics which makes her very happy. We had a great parent teacher conference with positive feedback from her teachers. Her chores have become a little slack, but hopefully she will get back on the right track there too.
As far as surrogacy goes, we are officially matched with the guys from NYC. The local couple would have been great, but it was so hard to communicate with them, and they were a little vague about their reasons for turning to surrogacy. A lot of her statements had me feeling like there was something else going on, which is not ideal. So R and J are amazing. I feel really good about them and this journey. Josh and I met with a psychologist for our psych eval today, I emailed R&J the results from my blood work last September, R got my background check run and J is having his MD appointment this week for his blood work. R said he wanted to get the ball rolling on the contract this week too. It's all so exciting. We have agreed on lifelong contact of any kind, honesty with the child when the time is right, and an open, trusting, honest relationship. J is going to be the bio father. We hope to insem at the soonest possible ovulation. We don't expect to get everything done in time to catch the egg on 3/30 but it would be awesome if we could. Just keeping everything open.
I think I am most worried about timing. Before Brooke was born ovulation was day 32-34. Since she has been born, I've had day 27 and 31, with the rest of my cycles being on bcp or IVF meds. I'm wondering if I should exclude my pre Brooke cycles from my FF stats... I am still on the Chinese herbs from my acupuncturist, and they seem to do really good things for my cycle, stabilize my temps and bring ovulation earlier. At least last cycle. I am trying to re create exactly what I did last cycle to see if I get the same results this cycle. If I can't predict O into a smaller window timing could be off. I do however have a serious addiction to poas. OPK, HPT it doesn't even matter. I'm only on cd9 and I've already used 3 opk. FF says I should start using opk on cd24.
Oh I also got a raise at work, which I am very excited about. It's giving me a lot more wiggle room in my spending, which is bad, I should save all of it. But I'm not too off track yet. I have 99% decided to save for my boob job :) Which I am also really excited about. That obviously needs to wait until after the TS baby.
Well I have to do my MMPI at home tonight and drop if back off to the psych in the morning. We had some trouble meeting with her, due to her own scheduling issues, so she cut me a break and let me take it this way. I just really can not wait to be pregnant. I'm really really really excited.
**Edited to add** Since I got my records from the GS cycles with A&R I found out that at my first monitoring appt in January my lining was a 6!! That is really awesome, too bad the extra weeks of meds made it degrade, which is still weird to me. However, I feel good getting that measurement!
As far as surrogacy goes, we are officially matched with the guys from NYC. The local couple would have been great, but it was so hard to communicate with them, and they were a little vague about their reasons for turning to surrogacy. A lot of her statements had me feeling like there was something else going on, which is not ideal. So R and J are amazing. I feel really good about them and this journey. Josh and I met with a psychologist for our psych eval today, I emailed R&J the results from my blood work last September, R got my background check run and J is having his MD appointment this week for his blood work. R said he wanted to get the ball rolling on the contract this week too. It's all so exciting. We have agreed on lifelong contact of any kind, honesty with the child when the time is right, and an open, trusting, honest relationship. J is going to be the bio father. We hope to insem at the soonest possible ovulation. We don't expect to get everything done in time to catch the egg on 3/30 but it would be awesome if we could. Just keeping everything open.
I think I am most worried about timing. Before Brooke was born ovulation was day 32-34. Since she has been born, I've had day 27 and 31, with the rest of my cycles being on bcp or IVF meds. I'm wondering if I should exclude my pre Brooke cycles from my FF stats... I am still on the Chinese herbs from my acupuncturist, and they seem to do really good things for my cycle, stabilize my temps and bring ovulation earlier. At least last cycle. I am trying to re create exactly what I did last cycle to see if I get the same results this cycle. If I can't predict O into a smaller window timing could be off. I do however have a serious addiction to poas. OPK, HPT it doesn't even matter. I'm only on cd9 and I've already used 3 opk. FF says I should start using opk on cd24.
Oh I also got a raise at work, which I am very excited about. It's giving me a lot more wiggle room in my spending, which is bad, I should save all of it. But I'm not too off track yet. I have 99% decided to save for my boob job :) Which I am also really excited about. That obviously needs to wait until after the TS baby.
Well I have to do my MMPI at home tonight and drop if back off to the psych in the morning. We had some trouble meeting with her, due to her own scheduling issues, so she cut me a break and let me take it this way. I just really can not wait to be pregnant. I'm really really really excited.
**Edited to add** Since I got my records from the GS cycles with A&R I found out that at my first monitoring appt in January my lining was a 6!! That is really awesome, too bad the extra weeks of meds made it degrade, which is still weird to me. However, I feel good getting that measurement!
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Update
Sorry to leave ya hanging. Its been a bit of a whirlwind.
My instincts were right that Dr D recommended a new GS. I was bummed but felt I knew it was coming. The guys sent me a very nice email, which made me feel great. My agency was willing to have my records reviewed and attempt to match me again, but I declined. I offered to be a TS for a really good friend of mine at work, but she needs a year to save, so we have a 24 month plan basically. After that I posted an ad as a TS on SMO looking for the right match. I have one really amazing gay couple I am speaking with and a local couple just emailed me, but I don't have as good a feeling about them. We shall see how it all plays out. I could go into so much more detail, but I am very busy at work right now.
until next time...
My instincts were right that Dr D recommended a new GS. I was bummed but felt I knew it was coming. The guys sent me a very nice email, which made me feel great. My agency was willing to have my records reviewed and attempt to match me again, but I declined. I offered to be a TS for a really good friend of mine at work, but she needs a year to save, so we have a 24 month plan basically. After that I posted an ad as a TS on SMO looking for the right match. I have one really amazing gay couple I am speaking with and a local couple just emailed me, but I don't have as good a feeling about them. We shall see how it all plays out. I could go into so much more detail, but I am very busy at work right now.
until next time...
Thursday, January 16, 2014
WTF is wrong with my uterus
So.... my lining actually got thinner!! I read about another surro who's lining thinned and it turns out she ovulated. I emailed the NC to find out. I feel like Dr D will recommend to A and R to find a new GS. Which totally bums me out, but I am not ready to give up on this dream. I am leaning towards TS however, with the possibility of a natural FET only as a GS. Have to wait and find out what the clinic wants. My agency has also reached out to the clinic. Sorry for the short update. But I don't have many details as of yet.
Monday, January 13, 2014
10 days until transfer
It's getting so close! I am so excited. I emailed with R today because CCRM charged him twice. Not sure if one was for the ultrasound and one was for the blood work, but he is going to call and find out. I am so bloated! Which I take as a good thing. I am moody too, this delestrogen must be doing something that the estrace did not :) I still have not received my payment for the start of meds. I don't like to talk about money because that's not why I am doing this, but it should have arrived weeks ago. I emailed my agency twice with no response! Not sure what to do now, I do not want to make a big deal about this, but seriously??! I'm hoping one of the ladies there got my email and that initiated a check. Why they have not emailed back, I do not know. :(
The next two days are going to be very busy. Tomorrow I have to work the early shift so I can take Zoe to her first ADHD psych appointment. I also have acupuncture at 11:30 and the delestrogen shot at night. Then on Wednesday I have my ultrasound and blood work at 8am and then a meeting with Zoe's school at 2:45pm. Hopefully I will get the results from the monitoring appt that day and not thursday, the extra wait is soooo long :)
I have upped my Vitamin E to 3 pills a day which is 1200 iu. Not sure really what mg of that is, either 540 mg or 805 mg depending on if the pills are a natural form or a synthetic form. I upped the L arginine to 3 pills as well, which is 1500 mg. this : "Vitamin E & L-Arginine
The next two days are going to be very busy. Tomorrow I have to work the early shift so I can take Zoe to her first ADHD psych appointment. I also have acupuncture at 11:30 and the delestrogen shot at night. Then on Wednesday I have my ultrasound and blood work at 8am and then a meeting with Zoe's school at 2:45pm. Hopefully I will get the results from the monitoring appt that day and not thursday, the extra wait is soooo long :)
I have upped my Vitamin E to 3 pills a day which is 1200 iu. Not sure really what mg of that is, either 540 mg or 805 mg depending on if the pills are a natural form or a synthetic form. I upped the L arginine to 3 pills as well, which is 1500 mg. this : "Vitamin E & L-Arginine
A study published
by Fertility and Sterility in April, 2010, showed that both vitamin E
supplementation and/or L-Arginine may aid in increasing the thickness of the
endometrium in women with thin uterine lining <8mm. Researchers wanted to
see if these supplement could increase uterine radial artery (uRA) blood flow.
Results showed vit. E given at 600mg a day increased uRA in 72% of patients and
endometrial thickness (EM) in 52% of patients. 6g of L-Arginine given per day
resulted in an 89% increase in uRA, with an increase of EM in 67% of patients.
The effect of vitamin E was examined in the endometrium. Results showed that vitamin E increased glandular epithelia growth, development of blood vessels and vascular endothelial growth factor protein* expression within the endometrium.
I never did update with the results of my first monitoring appt. They said my lining is developing nicely. They did not change my meds. The lady who took my blood was new and messed up the first stick, so another lady had to come and try my other arm. Luckily they had success there. My first arm is still sore but miraculously did not bruise.
The effect of vitamin E was examined in the endometrium. Results showed that vitamin E increased glandular epithelia growth, development of blood vessels and vascular endothelial growth factor protein* expression within the endometrium.
I never did update with the results of my first monitoring appt. They said my lining is developing nicely. They did not change my meds. The lady who took my blood was new and messed up the first stick, so another lady had to come and try my other arm. Luckily they had success there. My first arm is still sore but miraculously did not bruise.
Monday, January 6, 2014
So hard to focus
I really should be working but all I can think about is surrogacy :) and how much I want to be pregnant for A and R. My uterus has been heavy and achy for the last 3-4 days, Hope that is a good sign. I don't really have anything to update. Only 16 days and we fly back to CT. A shorter visit this time which I think I like better. Have been thinking about future surrogacies and what those might look like. Things I would do differently. Every time I match with someone, I learn new things that are important to me. Plus things change as I get older as well. I have acupuncture tomorrow and lining check bright and early Wednesday morning. I am trying to keep all nervous out of my system, but it can be difficult to do. I hung up some maternity shirts in my closest so that I can look at them every day. Keep positive images in my head. I know my lining did a great job growing on 28 days of estrace. I only get 18 days of it this cycle. Well things could be pushed back a week to give it more time to grow. So Wednesday's ultrasound can not be negative. Either I am on track or my track gets longer. I have drank all my pineapple juice, not had any caffeine or alcohol what so ever. I've managed to drink 2 ensures over the weekend. My acupuncturist really feels that I will be fine. That since my lining did grow well enough last time, that it will again. Think fluffy thoughts, think fluffy thoughts :) January really does work out so much better for everyone, so I think things happened just the way they were meant to :) I put a new quote up at my desk to read every day.
"Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. Think only of the best, work only for the best, and expect only the best. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. Live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you!"
"Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. Think only of the best, work only for the best, and expect only the best. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. Live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you!"
Friday, January 3, 2014
32 pills and 2 shots in one day?! Plus DD drama
So on new years eve, first day of meds, I ended up taking 32 pills and 2 shots! :) Currently I am on estrace, aspirin, prenatal vitamins, tea pills, vitamin e and L arginine. Plus SQ lupron and IM delestrogen(tues and fri) :) I've been drinking pineapple juice in attempt to cover that base as well, and I have given up caffeine in the forms of coffee and soda. I had acupuncture yesterday that was my best session so far. I can't get enough of it! Next appt is Tuesday the 7th with my ultrasound at 8 am Wednesday the 8th. I don't think I've hit 32 pills again, as I have replaced one dose of tea pills with the L arginine. I've already had a couple days of pretty serious cm and a pretty good bloat going on. Oh and I think I have managed to gain 2 lbs! :) My ensure will be here tomorrow, so I will get extra protein and what not :) Less than 3 weeks to go!!!
So....DD#1 is having a hard time lately. She got the official ADHD diagnosis. Things have been difficult at school and a little at home as well. I am not very organized but thats ok for me. On the other hand not being very organized is really hard on her. She recently made the decision to only go to her dad's house once a month. He is not taking very kindly to that. He just threw the word court at me, which I think would be a good idea but an expensive idea. I feel it is more important for her to be successful at school and establish relationships with adults that will treat her with respect than to continually have to deal with the feelings of neglect the inconsistency causes her. She doesn't feel as secure at her dad's house and he can not put her needs above his own. He doesn't even see what he is doing. He has moved 10-11 times in the last 10 years and out of 26 weekends over the last year he has rescheduled 15. She pretty much stays in her room, according to her, while she is there, and does not like the routine her dad has established. She has tantrums when she comes home, takes hours to settle back into our house. Her dad drags her to weddings, parties, church, his in laws, etc when she is there and she does not like that. She feels like her dad doesn't know her at all and does not trust her or respect her. So after talking with her several times, and her begging me for years, I finally told her dad that she would not be coming every other weekend anymore. Only once a month. Well he doesn't want to do that. He said that is not enough time to have consistency with her. He denies being selfish and feels he has earned the right to see her at least every other weekend. "even a court would agree" he said. He said he does everything I have ever asked. Which has been 5 reschedules out of 26, but probably only 5 out of 46. OH! and he wants to spank her. I'm tempted to take complete custody of her, and not let him see her until a court makes me, but I am not up for that much of a battle. He only agreed to letting this one weekend slide and that he would talk to her when he sees her on the 17th. So I am going to have to figure something out. We see the psychologist on the 14th. Hopefully she can help us.
So....DD#1 is having a hard time lately. She got the official ADHD diagnosis. Things have been difficult at school and a little at home as well. I am not very organized but thats ok for me. On the other hand not being very organized is really hard on her. She recently made the decision to only go to her dad's house once a month. He is not taking very kindly to that. He just threw the word court at me, which I think would be a good idea but an expensive idea. I feel it is more important for her to be successful at school and establish relationships with adults that will treat her with respect than to continually have to deal with the feelings of neglect the inconsistency causes her. She doesn't feel as secure at her dad's house and he can not put her needs above his own. He doesn't even see what he is doing. He has moved 10-11 times in the last 10 years and out of 26 weekends over the last year he has rescheduled 15. She pretty much stays in her room, according to her, while she is there, and does not like the routine her dad has established. She has tantrums when she comes home, takes hours to settle back into our house. Her dad drags her to weddings, parties, church, his in laws, etc when she is there and she does not like that. She feels like her dad doesn't know her at all and does not trust her or respect her. So after talking with her several times, and her begging me for years, I finally told her dad that she would not be coming every other weekend anymore. Only once a month. Well he doesn't want to do that. He said that is not enough time to have consistency with her. He denies being selfish and feels he has earned the right to see her at least every other weekend. "even a court would agree" he said. He said he does everything I have ever asked. Which has been 5 reschedules out of 26, but probably only 5 out of 46. OH! and he wants to spank her. I'm tempted to take complete custody of her, and not let him see her until a court makes me, but I am not up for that much of a battle. He only agreed to letting this one weekend slide and that he would talk to her when he sees her on the 17th. So I am going to have to figure something out. We see the psychologist on the 14th. Hopefully she can help us.
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