Great Wolf Lodge KC Kansas

We had a great (long) drive out to kansas city from our house south of denver. This is in the early part of our trip, just after sunrise. We managed to leave about 4:45 am! The girls and I slept until sunrise :)

We finally arrived about 3:15pm and went straight to the water park after checking in. All those pictures are on an old fashioned disposable camera! :) But here are some from the room and hotel lobby. The cool cabin and fireplace were in our room. I loved how kid and adult friendly they managed to be! 

The drive home took forever! And I think I am still getting over that part :) I am not a small spaces kind of person. I like to have room to roam. We have our holiday lunch here at work. Sorry to be so short :) 

Just can't wait to be pregnant

I tested out one needle with one syringe last night and it seems to work out ok. It doesn't twist on like the others, rather it just pushes together. I guess that will get the job done. Still not sure if I should use the bigger needle to draw up the delestrogen, or just use the smaller needle to draw up and to inject. I'm just so excited to be pregnant. Honestly I feel different about this cycle. Maybe because I have completed a whole cycle start to BETA under my belt now and there is no uncertainty with the process. Or maybe its just whatever is meant to be will be :) 

we leave in 12 hours to drive to kansas city for Zoe's birthday surprise. Should have some pictures to share next week :) 

Got (another) big box of MEDS!

So I got another big box of meds last night. Although I really wish they would have spoke with me before ordering all this. I have a little over one bottle of progesterone suppositories that I will not use as they inexplicably switched me to Crinone. I have 2 boxes of Crinone. I have 7 (seven!!) bottles of PIO. 270 estrace pills. 3 bottles of delestrogen. A whole bunch of baby aspirin and prenatals. and of course the proper amounts of prednisone and doxy. Its insane :) I also have the vitamin E bottle  of my own addition. Oh and 3 months of bcp. Next week I will have my bottle of the chinese herbs(Women's Precious Teapills) the acupuncturist recommended. I will start those as soon as they arrive to try to get more of that into my system in prep for this cycle. On monday I started 1 Vitex a day ( I took this the cycle I got pregnant with Brooke) but will stop vitex when the teapills arrive. Have also been thinking about adding L Arginine, but then I would probably take L Lysine as well because arginine is a known cold sore aggravater and lysine is a known cold sore treatment/preventor. AND I'm pretty sure the syringe they sent me for the delestrogen is not compatible with any of the needles they sent. so I will have to test that tonight AND the directions on the new estrace are different from what my timeline says, so I email the coordinator. Turns out the rx is correct, the timeline wrong. Awesome :) So I will be taking 8 mg estrace a day and the delestrogen twice a week. I really feel good about this cycle :) every now and then the nervous about my lining act up, but I try to keep them quiet. I am putting up a couple maternity shirts so that I have something positive to focus my thoughts on :) I am silly excited every day just thinking about all of it :) I really really can not wait and could not want anything more than to be pregnant for A and R!!! :) 

A Big Rant...

Sorry that this may be a more negative toned post, these BCP makes me a person I don't like as much... But I am going to rant like a mad woman :)

thing #1

There is a girl at work that bugs the ever living crap outta me. She is young, just turned 23, so some of this may be due to her lack of experience. But most of it is because she is dumb as rocks. I try not to hate her, but she doesn't make that easy. I can barely understand her because she says the word "like" every 3 seconds and I like totally can't like stand that like type of like thing.  I don't want to spend much time on her, but I hope she gets a promotion so she leaves my dept.

thing #2

There is a woman, who NEEDS attention. She will start a thread and cry if no one responds to her. Could a person be more needy?! The internet is not dedicated to you. I could not be friends with her. Sometimes no one has a comment to something you say, its no big deal.

thing #3

My clinic is not as good as I thought. I guess they are better than NEFI, but they are far from smoothly operated. So my own impatience aside, they sent an RX to a different pharmacy. They ordered all my meds AGAIN from this pharmacy. Without considering that I still have 150 estrace, they ordered more. Without considering that I have 2.5 vials of PIO left, they ordered more. My thinking is that this could have been avoided if we used the same pharmacy. My IFs would not have had to pay for all this extra stuff if more communication was attempted. Now assuming I get pregnant at our next transfer I will use all these up, but if I don't then that was a big waste of money that the clinic did not care to think about.

thing #4

Dr D thinks the reason we are not pregnant is that my lining was only ok, not great. I told him about my days of positive pregnancy tests, but he did not seems to believe me. Asked if I took them right, asked about using the right urine?! Said it was too soon to know if the embryos had issues or if my uterus had issues. Really?! 4 of 8 embryos just stopped growing, 50% of them stopped growing and you can't think they might have an issue. 2 made it to freeze at 5 days and the 2 that we transferred to me tried to implant but didn't make it all the way. And there is no reason to suspect they might not be of the best quality?! Sharron said "R has one nice 5 day embryo left and A has one embryo left." Don't think I missed how she only said that R's frozen embryo is nice and that A just has one frozen. Dr D never even looked at my lining before transfer, so whose to say it was not great?! Granted the transfer was guided by abdominal ultrasound, so he could tell a little. He said we had better success than NEFI did at getting my lining thick enough to transfer, but since it didn't result in a pregnancy, we must need it thicker. Yes I am being angry and unreasonable, and we have a nice plan in place to try again. But a big :P to you!

AND THE GOOD NEWS:

my next timeline:

12/18/2013 - start Lupron and prenatal
12/25/2013 - last bcp
12/30/2013 - ultrasound and blood work
12/31/2013 - start two 2 mg estrace and .2 cc delestrogen(every tues and fri) and baby aspirin
(1/2/2014 - acupuncture, start chinese herbs and vit E)
(1/7/2014 - acupuncture)
1/8/2014 - ultrasound and blood work
(1/14/2014 - acupuncture)
1/15/2014 - ultrasound and blood work
1/17/2014 - last Lupron if my lining is thick enough
1/18/2014 - first PIO
1/19/2014 - crinone, prednisone (5 days) and doxy (5 days)
1/24/2014 - transfer of 2 frozen 5 day blasts (praying that both survive the thaw)

I still have to schedule the acupuncture, and buy the chinese herbs, once I find that paper she wrote them down on. My agency wants me to find flights, so off to travelocity. :)

I LOVE my IFs

My IFs are the best ever :) Let me tell you what happened today that makes me know this even more... So these bcp make me a little angry and unreasonable, pretty much all the time. The clinic has been less than communicative with me, which I let go for all of last week due to thanksgiving. But when I get a call from yet another different pharmacy (3 now) wanting to ship meds, that I don't even know what they are, I get a little frustrated. So I sent a snotty email to the clinic. And I emailed my IFs to let them know I am being a pain in the rear to the clinic. Then R tells me to just be a b*tch about it. :) Yay! made me feel so much better that they support me even when I am being hormonal and demanding :) At least the email back from the clinic was polite and even cheery. When I started this post a few hours ago, I had a lot more feeling involved. Now I am a little exhausted after Zoe's hour long ADHD results appointment and all..... So I actually have to get some work done. I have my phone call with Dr D tomorrow so I'm sure I will have an update then.

I will not cut my hair

I will not cut my hair until I deliver a surrogate baby. So here are pictures :) 

Before I cut my hair in July 2013

After haircut in July 2013

Me and Josh, my hair at transfer 11/2013

My hair now shoulder length and a little pink 3/7/2014

4/7/2014 past my collar bone; with Zoe

5/10/2014 straightened; if only I did not cut my hair in July 2013

9 weeks until transfer #2

Well... Hoping to get a new calendar tomorrow with a new time line that ends with transfer Friday 1/24/2014. The good old witch (aunt Flow) arrived yesterday and although I have no cramping at all, she is quite.....heavy in her visit. At least I know my lining really did thicken up. I stopped all meds last Wednesday; and Thursday through Saturday night were impossible. Not only was I constantly sweating all night, Brooke is teething again and has not been sleeping well herself. So the NC said DR D wants to add in one more injectable med to the process, but she wouldn't say which one. I have a phone meeting with him on 12/4/13. I am still so bummed that this first try didn't work. Its probably much better timing to get pregnant in January though :) I am much more guarded however. Have I broken down the donor egg thing?? Well I will again, 12 retrieved, 8 fertilized, 2 transferred to me on day 4, 6 attempted to grow to day 5 but only 2 made it to freeze on day 5. So of 12 potentials, only 4 have been deemed good enough to transfer. Now we have to have faith that those 2 totsicles will thaw and can be transferred to me. I will make more acupuncture visits and perhaps try those herbs she suggested. I will ask Dr D on the phone call next week about those. 

This week is thanksgiving. I love this time of year. Not so much the cold, but the feeling of the holidays makes me so happy. Also next week we get to hear the recommendations for Zoe's ADHD. I am looking forward to taking steps with her on this. She was with her dad this past weekend. I always miss her so much when she is with him. Just serves to remind me that I can't live without her :) At least I have my girls to get me through this disappointment :) Oh and in 17 days we take Zoe on her surprise 10th birthday trip. I am really excited for that. Then its Christmas! So thanksgiving this week, Zoe's appt and phone call with RE next week, week after that is Zoe's trip, a week of nothing after that, then its christmas, then new years, then I will start  meds again for our January transfer. :D yay! :) 

Here are picture of me and Zoe being silly. 

Big Fat Negative

Well, Beta is in.... and.... Its negative. Must have been a chemical pregnancy. I am bummed. I will take a few days to collect myself and come back and update here with a plan hopefully.

BFP??!!! 7 day past a 4 day transfer

This is all the same test, just 6 pictures of it :)

The start of a BFP???

This could be the start of a BFP, still too early to call it for sure! :) But wanted to post anyway! First the BFN

BFN from 3.5dp4dt and 4dp4dt

4.5dp4dt

4.5dp4dt tweaked for better line observance

and for fun her is the tweaked picture in negative :)

3 Days Past Transfer

Well, here I am, 3 days past a 4 day transfer. I have pictures to share and what should be a long story. But I will try to keep it short. Transfer was Sunday  Neither A nor R could make it. They retrieved 12 eggs and 8 fertilized. 4 for each IF. We transferred 2, one from each IF. The RE didn't even check my lining!!! Had blood work this morning. E2 is 1467 and P4 is 42. Both great numbers.  I already have taken 2 opks (can be used as an hpt but not as reliable) and one hpt. Last night the opk was start white but this morning it had a squinter of a second line. I took a cheapie hpt which was BFN, no pictures of that. :) I have been calling these embies Jack and Jill. I know they are both snuggled in, just can't wait for the HPTs to show it :) I have 3 HPTs left and a bunch of opks. So I guess I will take another opk tonight and an HPT in the morning. The PIO is still not bad. The injection sites are tender, but that does not make the shot hurt any worse. Josh is still doing a great job of giving them to me. Have to add the pictures and then take off, plenty of work to do at...work. 

2.75dp4dt negative opk

3dp4dt modified by opk to show the hint of a second line

me with the two embies all tucked in

my transfer shirt 

"I might change your life"

2 PIO down, (potentially) 56 to go

Well, we started the PIO last night, and again this morning. It will now be an every morning shot. Josh did a great job!! It really did not hurt. The shot from last night is way more sore than the shot from this morning though. Last night was the first, so maybe I was tense? This morning I took a shower right after, maybe the heat helped? Transfer could be as soon as 2 days away. 

My acupuncture yesterday was probably the best yet. I did actually fall asleep a little, but into this super relaxed, Zen zone :) It was so warm and cozy! I am excited to see what my lining is doing after these treatments. I know it will be great. Ok maybe I honestly have a smidge of doubt in there too, because I'm trying to prepare myself. I am doing my best to let that go though! So today I am 2 weeks pregnant! Until proven otherwise! :) I emailed the NC with a question about transfer and my meds, and also asked how many eggs were retrieved. She may not tell me, but I asked :) I will update with her response when I get it later. 

Ok - response from the NC is....She didn't tell me :) She just said we will see what we get after fertilization tomorrow. But she did mention that every friday the clinic has a big IVF meeting, and she may be able to give me a set transfer date after that meeting friday :) My backside is rather sore from each PIO. I can feel the injection sites as I walk. Bummer. The shot itself doesn't hurt but this is rather yuck. Nothing I can't handle. For some reason, a quick painful shot is much worse sounding than a long dull ache. I've put a heat pack behind me in my desk chair, that is soothing the muscles. I'll have to wait and see how the rest of the shots go before I make a real decision about PIO. 

Flying to CT in 3 Days!!

You read that right! My flights are being booked! Fly out 11/8 fly home 11/12/13. Transfer is 11/9, 11/10 or 11/11! WOO-HOO!!!! I am so excited I can barely sit in my chair. Transfer day is only 4-6 full days away :) I can't even think straight. So many last minute things to do! We need to find someone to feed the dogs. Give my mom the dates and arrange Zoe's weekend with her dad since I will not be here to pick her up. Reserve the rental car. Pack. Buy a new dog bed. Oh Man I am nervous for this PIO. Tomorrow is my next acupuncture and my first PIO shot. AAAhh! Fingers crossed my lining will look good, the NC did not say anything about another lining check. That makes me nervous, but maybe if i'm there and its on the thin side they will still transfer?! Just have to think fluffy thoughts. I better get my work done for this week! :) EEEEEKK!! 

NOVEMBER!!

IT'S NOVEMBER!!! yay yay yay yay! Month of transfer! :) I had my second acupuncture session today. It was awesome! She did some electric stimulation of the needles in certain points in my legs today. Said that would tell my body to make more blood and those points traveled up my legs and met in my uterus. (or something more professional sounding, but that was the point) So it would send more blood flow to the uterus. An hour there feels like maybe 15 mins. Total relaxation. I have been sleeping so much better and I have more energy during the day. I feel so motivated. (on a side note: I am thinking of taking the family gluten free. Zoe's possible adhd would benefit, Josh's headaches could be gluten related, and its a nice effort to see if that is something I am sensitive too which creates my constant stuffy nose) I have been checking my email like a crazy person waiting to hear from the clinic. The earliest they would know is tomorrow, but I can't help myself. :) No idea what the uterus is up to. Feels full like and a little crampy, ever so slightly. Nothing major. Last night I soaked my feet in a very hot bath (read online somewhere that that can help fertility) and scrubbed and massaged my feet with a sugar scrub, following by a body butter. They are almost smooth! I also put my Jamberry Nails on, the ones with the green tips. It was a lot easier than I expected it to be. And they look really good. I hope they last until transfer, which is 5-11 days away. I have an important meeting at work on the 14th and made Zoe a follow up doctor appointment that day, so I really hope we are back before then. But those things can be moved if not. When I stop and actually think about stabbing a needle through my soft flesh and muscle it makes me cringe, so its best to not think about that part. :) I will have Josh handle that end :)  One more acupuncture on Tuesday. Fingers crossed that the extra time on estrogen, the Vit E and the acupuncture have made a difference!!! A 6 is all we need to try for transfer IMO. Dr D says 7 but I have a feeling about 6. just saying. BAAAHHH!!!!! I'm excited :)