A Bad Dream?

I'm really hoping that my dream last night was just a manifestation of my nerves that my uterus will again not cooperate, and not foreshadowing anything. I dreamed that I was at NEFI and the PA told me that my lining again was not built up enough and she would have to suck out what was in there. And it really hurt. Then S&S came into the room and a couple tests were run and a nurse came in and said because I was exposed to something prior to age 11, I was no longer a candidate to be a carrier. I said, but that was in PA and not CO, does that make a difference, then we got to talking about an allergic reaction I had to something, and then I woke up almost terrified. I lay awake for awhile trying to calm down. I would be so upset to find out that I could not go through with this, or even worse, that I myself am infertile. The serenity prayer came to mind "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference." So now I just try to relax. I have been told how important being stress free can be to a cycle. And I am just so worried now because of last cycle. :(

I guess its silly to get so upset over a dream, and my dreams have been pretty out there the last few nights, since restarting the estradiol. In fact I already feel pregnant, which is weird. My dreams, and the way my body feels, is different from last month and feels different than normal. I had a dream about an old friend, Wynn, the other night. Then a weird one about Josh. And last night my daughters father was with me at NEFI in my dream, and when we got the bad news about my lining he said he had to leave and was gone. This dream followed the random, weird, chaotic, suit of the dreams from the previous  nights. Its just because it hit a very real fear that its bothering me.

Onto, the facts.... I have my next US and lab work on 12/8 8:15 am. (And I hope to see my lining at least a 4, two weeks before transfer.) AF was lighter than it has been, so I know my lining does get thicker just based on that. (That should reassure me.) I am taking the estradiol as prescribed and we already know my body absorbs it very well. I am doing everything I can. The only other thing I could do, is try to relax the next 3 days until my appt with CCRM. Also, I better refill that estradiol. Off to call Walgreens and try as best I can to distract myself and stay busy.  To quote my surro coordinator "grow lining, GROW!"

Added in the late afternoon: My uterus is doing something. I am having a ton of cramping, mild, and a full feeling. If I lean forward in my chair, like I like to at work, It causes most of the cramping. I dunno... but it is doing something.