Just hanging out

There is not much going on. I am just hanging out waiting for something, anything, to happen. Whatever it is that happens I will take as what is meant to be. I worry that I might get pregnant on my own and that I will hurt any possible IPs feelings. Well ok not hurt their feelings but make them feel sad, disappointed, that spectrum. But at the same time maybe God has decided that I am not done with babies of my own, and need to finish that before a GS. The last time I was off bcp my cycle was 36 days long with ovulation about day 22. A really great luteal phase, which makes me happy because they have been as short as 10 days. I did feel ovary twinges on day 14 this cycle, but never in my life have I had a perfect 28 day cycle like that. I am leaning towards not believing it. If AF shows up this sunday though, I will have no choice but to believe it. Maybe because of the hormones I took over the last two months, this cycle seems different somehow. It feels like long stretches of nothing. maybe also because while on bcp af is induced at 24-28 days. Here i am day 25 with nothing. Yesterday I was really crampy and thought AF would be here early! To be fair, I am one of those crazy people who think they are pregnant every single month that any tiny thing is remotely different. Whether I am on bcp or not :) I am starting to believe though that I ovulated early, or on time for the normal women, and that af will fly in this weekend. 3 more days to find out :)

But my agency might have a couple for me, I'm not sure if I mentioned the italian couple that I skyped with. They may want to move forward. That would be really exciting. I am really looking forward to cycling again. We would have to move on a contract soon. They are suppose to speak with Dr Doyle today, so we hope to have their answer tomorrow. I'm not sure how long the contract process will take. hopefully just a week, as I would like to use the same contract points, everything. Then they already have frozen embryos. AF is due sometime between 1/22 and 1/30. We maybe could set a transfer for end of february or in march :)

I just don't know when Josh and I are going to get married. Its not that big of a deal since we live together and already bought our house. Now its pretty much just a piece of paper. I still want to get married and I still want a more traditional wedding. Josh may not be ready as he is still not wanting to wear a tux :(  but he seems to like things that are different, even if they are ugly, just based on their being different and not something he sees often or at all before. Its a little bit ridiculous. I like unique things too but one can not see only how unique it is, it must also still be what you need it to be. One thing that I know for absolute sure about Josh, is that he has to learn everything on his own. He will not take my word for it. He will not believe me until he gets the same results. It is just the way he is. I am not too different from him, but in some cases I do take the wisdom of others. :) I do sometimes care for the feelings of others over myself, and that is something I need to work on.