Still a little down

i am still feeling a bit down about everything. I even went so far as to tell my agency that I wanted to take a break. But my wonderful coordinator is doing all the work behind the scenes and is letting me think about whatever I want. Of course, it is surrogacy :( I also want a new job.It would be so nice to earn a little more money, or a lot more, that would be nice too. I am just feeling stagnant and restless. Are those oxymorons? maybe not. my life is stagnant and i am feeling restless. Its just that i spent a whole year working towards something and i am back to square one. its such a bummer.

My little Dobie had to get 15 stitches on Christmas Day and her wound is finally healing. Although she has pulled all but two stitches out and its gonna be a bad scar on her leg. She is a really happy puppy. just turned 1 :) but with all the stitches she pulled out, it hasnt completed healed and she is hard to keep settled down, so the wound still bleeds and hurts her :(

 I am a worry wort. I am worried that I will never feel just content in things in my life. that i will always need that new thing to focus on and plan, look forward too. If the surrogacy moves forward then we can not get married on 12/12/12 which is also on my mind. I want to plan our wedding. Not that we are officialy engaged because I am old fashioned and want the ring and proposal :) 

Pix from the month i thought about being a model...

anyway, all the people at work keep asking me about it, and I just do not want to tell this story over and over. I want to just go with the flow and be ok content happy exactly where i am. I think my hormones are a little out of whack too. Not sure. I wish life came with a map, so that i would know what was ahead of me. I'm not huge on surprises. silly life. And its all about money which is sucky. well...no sense in sitting here thinking about things that have no solid solutions.